I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
