No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
