Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
