I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
