Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
