If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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