how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
