Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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