i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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