So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
