i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
