I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
