just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
