By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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