Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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