Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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