You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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