Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
