some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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