So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Randomize
