So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
