Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
