WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
