he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
