I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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