wanna go halves on a baby?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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