yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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