Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
