Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
