Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
