Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(903): View more from Texas

I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.

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(714): View more from California

He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings

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(469): View more from Texas

I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.

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(360): View more from Washington

you inspire me to be a worse person

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?

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(901): View more from Tennessee

My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.

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(614): View more from Ohio

I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.

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(616): View more from Michigan

There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.

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