god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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