were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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