I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize