Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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