im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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