If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
