Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
