the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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