We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
