He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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