No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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