dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
