Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
