tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
