you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
