you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
