We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
