Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Never underestimate the power of titties
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
