Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He kissed a someone with a penis
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
