So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
