How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
