Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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