i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
