I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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