Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
