I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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