My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I intend to get homeless drunk
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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