I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
