There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize