I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
