who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
