woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
