ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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