You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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