so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
