Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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