It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
