I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
What a dumb baby whore.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
