apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
