I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
