before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
the raccoons are back...
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