Umm I'm too high to move.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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